“If I ever get around to living, it’s going to be just like I dreamed…”
Music is special and lasting because it serves you. It’s sometimes the only thing you have to carry you through to the next stage in life.
It helps you get through death. It helps you get through a breakup. And sometimes, it just helps you cut through your bullshit thoughts.
We all have those bullshit thoughts. They’ve always been there and always will be there.
Managing those thoughts is key. But that management can create new thoughts — thoughts that are more observant and positive but nonetheless dragging.
I’m in an interesting place in life where I just don’t care to think much anymore. I used to love thinking. I used to think that my ability to analyze things and spit out well-developed thoughts about them made me so smart.
But it just made me tired. Thinking all the time is not fun.
My life changed in 2020. I caught strong feelings for a girl that didn’t want to be with me. It made me feel so terrible that I began questioning why it made me feel that terrible.
I had only known this girl for a few months. There was no reason for me to care this much.
It became clear that I was lost. I didn’t really have an identity. And once I recognized that, I began forming one — or reforming one, I should say.
This process refined me. It made me mentally stronger than I have ever been. It helped me write two books.
I was thinking a lot, though. I caught feelings for a new girl and thought a lot about her. I planned for things I didn’t need to plan for and tried figuring everything out.
When something went wrong, I thought about why. When something went well, I thought about why.
My ability to think has made me one heck of a writer, I’d say. At least with output. Maybe I suck, but no one can deny that I write a fair amount.
I even started an Instagram to turn my thoughts into little creative writing pieces. My thinking makes me very productive.
But it also wears me out.
Lately, though, I have seemingly found a cure: my new job.
I just recently began a new job tour managing a band. I’d say the majority of my waking hours are spent in a van with four other people. For the remainder of the time, I’m talking to fans, show promoters, or waitresses.
After the show wraps up and we hop back in the van, we don’t talk much about the show. We just move on like it didn’t even happen.
And yes, of course, I observed this, thought about it, and am now writing about it. That’s just what I do.
I kinda love that we barely discuss the show. The show doesn’t need analysis; it happened and, for better or worse, it is in the past now. Just like everything else.
That’s what living in the moment is really about.
Since realizing how much I like this, any analysis just annoys me. I follow this really cute girl on Instagram that writes amazing poetry. She formulates her life lessons into amazing writing that is very enjoyable to read.
But lately, I haven’t been reading it. I just don’t care to sit around and examine life as much as I used to.
As John Mayer hinted at in the opening line, life is a lot better when you’re living it instead of dreaming about it.
I’ll probably get back to deep life analysis someday. My brain is clearly hardwired to think deeply. I like turning lessons into stories and building blocks for the future.
But for now, I’m just going to leave tonight’s show in the past and plug into the conversation.