I met up with an old high school acquaintance the other day.
She’s really hot. It created a spark in me.
I’ve felt fat and lazy this month, even though I’m not that fat or lazy. But I’ve felt like that — and it’s not a good feeling to have.
I went on a run today because of it. I’ve been working out a few times a week, but I haven’t done much cardio. I’ve lifted heavy weights and eaten heavier to help that muscle grow.
But I’ve definitely overeaten. So now I feel fat.
My mind flows with interesting thoughts every time I’m on a run. On that run, I thought to myself, “Would I be doing this if I didn’t meet up with her the other day?”
I did not go on a date with this girl, by the way. I was simply giving her a dog crate for her new puppy that I no longer needed. I talked to her for maybe 10 minutes and then went back home.
I pretty quickly remembered why I’ve had a crush on this girl forever, though.
This is the type of girl that makes you look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “Am I good enough for this girl? Would I be able to garner her attention and keep it?”
I think I’m close to that level. But I still feel fat.
So, I went on a run. And I’ll probably change some other not-so-great habits I’ve built up recently.
It’s not solely to get the girl (although that’d be pretty cool). It’s mostly to make myself feel like I could actually get her.
All of this has made me think about my behaviors every time I have a crush on a girl. It always falls within this cycle…
Fall for a girl
Become the best version of yourself in an attempt to get her
Get her/move on from her
Give up on the good habits that made you awesome
It’s a sad cycle. But I feel like most men would agree that this is true.
I wish it wasn’t. I wish I could be the awesome version of myself all the time — with no other motivations pushing me toward greatness. I’d like to think I’m pretty likable most of the time. I’m good, maybe great.
But am I utterly and absolutely awesome all of the time? No way.
Maybe no one is. Maybe no one my age is. I don’t know.
I just wish I didn’t need to like a girl to put on my best face.
Alas, I’m putting my best face forward today, so enjoy it while it’s here.